whatnot

Once the rocket takes off with you sitting in the capsule, there's no going back. No matter how much you may want to. No matter how anxious you may feel about an anomaly in your last-minute check of the trajectory calculations. You are still better off going forward and trying to change course on the move than attempting some gravity-defying turnabout. You are tempted, now, to abort a mission. That will prove very expensive and exhausting, if it proves possible at all. Carry on. But steer as carefully as you can.

all week my workmates have been saying the same to me. just not so eloquently. phrases like "chicken shit" were used repeatedly until i made the call this afternoon.. only to get his voicemail and start the game of phone tag that went on till i got home.

i know joel thinks i'm lame. and elaine thinks that i worry too much and am paranoid too much and think too much (i can't help it - refer last post). and i know i seem like a little girl to michelle. and okay, i'll admit they were right - calling him was not a big deal in the end. but they don't know what its like to be perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop like i do. its not that i'll be devastated when it happens.. i'd just rather beat it to the punch to avoid the embarrassment.

so... when he suggested i come out to dinner with him and his friends, even though it didn't happen, it was enough that he suggested it. when he told me to call him so we could hang out, even it that never happens, it's enough that he wanted me to call him. and when he drunkenly asked if i liked him and i jokingly told him of course, even if nothing eventuates from that, the way we were smiling afterwards will be enough. i think its called quitting while you're ahead.

its those eyes dammit. i wonder if they're contacts.