i aint got no time to play, you better hurry up

now i know why the make their drinks so strong here. so that everyone will get drunk and not notice how DULL san jose nightlife is. sigh. the last two weekends have made me lose a little love for san jose. the boredom i felt last weekend was my fault - i was too lazy to go out and try to have a good time. plus i was all by myself and sometimes that's no fun no matter how hard you try. so this past weekend elaine and i decided to party hard since it was the first and last weekend we were gonna have in SJ together.. but for some dumb reason, SJ people don't like clubbing on fridays, and saturday is when all the drunk jerks come out to play. by sunday we were both like "forget YOU san jose!". we're trying again next thursday. last attempt at having a good time here. if that's boring too i don't know what we'll do. i dunno... do i just have high expectations coz of hawai'i or something? has hawai'i ruined clubbing for me forever? i thought mainland clubbing was meant to be way better?!

we went to the flea market this weekend. so much fun! i'm used to markets being asian-run but hi, we're in california now. its all about the mexicans here. i loved it! i got a lot of cool stuff.. lots of junk i probably don't need but that's all part of the fun. we got lost so many times coz that place is so huge they've even got street names. (i'm so american now, i landmark everything by its cross streets.) and corn on the cob mexican style - my lawd, it was so good elaine and i missed the bus and waited half an hour for the next one, just so we could finish eating it. i hate to say it but i had more fun at the flea market than i did clubbing this weekend.

the girls and i are heading to SF the weekend that i leave for my send-off. i'd be excited but i don't want to get my hopes up again hehe. i'm gonna miss those girls. they've been my family while i've been here. and unless i get sent back here by some miracle, i'm probably never gonna see them again. that's one thing i didn't realise this trip would put me through.. having to say goodbye to people i've grown attached to, that i probably won't see for a very long time or ever again - my socal cousins, the hawai'i crew, and now my SJ family. sigh. but then it makes it all better when i think of what i'll be coming home to.. my REAL family :D

i've sworn off boys again. i hate 'em. they're just too much effort. and i HATE HATE HATE that when things go belly up, i always blame myself. (woah, i'm jessica [LB]). i find myself wondering what it was i could've done better and questioning if what i did was wrong. and that's messed up. i don't like thinking that way when i know deep down that if i could do it over, i wouldn't change a thing. it's weak and i hate it. its not me.. at least, its not who i want me to be.

i think the girl next door is using a vibrator. that, or her cell phone's on vibrate and she doesn't want to pick up the call. she's so annoying. if its not her constant whining or her toe nail clipping or her hairdrying, all of which she seems to do right by our adjoining door, its her frkn vibrator.

my office loves having these debates about marriage and commitment and long distance relationships and money in relationships and all that.. and during today's discussion paul goes "the real reason people don't get married is coz they're afraid of being burnt". when i told joel this, he told me i should date paul. i don't think i'm that bad, am i? anyway, i think i'm more scared of dying alone than of getting burnt again.

nel saw my cousin's ring yesterday. i'm jealous. i wanna be in sydney so i can see it too! everytime it hits me that SHE'S GETTING MARRIED (AAAAAAAAARH!!!) i just wanna hug someone! i can't wait to come home!