relocated...

to al-isa.blogspot.com. please update your links. i need to fix it up still but its late and i'm going back to work tomorrow.

bye bijooh :(

USA 05

13 plane rides,
on 4 airlines,
between 3 countries,
to 7 states,
and 9 cities..

sleeping in 12 beds,
at 6 hotels/apartments,
and 6 friend's/family's homes..

lots and lots of alcohol,
at 17 bars (that i can remember),
equals many drunken nights,
and many hangovers..

4 flings,
2 crushes,
1 stalker,
and a few unwelcomed advances..

8 major malls,
2 big markets,
lots of shopping sprees,
and a whole suitcase of new clothes and accessories..

3 months later,
and i'm home.

its definitely been a life experience but i don't think its all going to sink in till i've been home for a bit longer. it really was sad leaving. there were a lot of things i wanted to do that i never did and places i wanted to visit that i never went to (those boring weekends i had were such a waste) and some people i was sad about leavng behind. BUT at the same time, there were so many things i DID get to do and places i DID get to see, and i made a lot of great friends. i'm so happy i did this - not a lot of people i know can say they've lived abroad for 3 months at my age.

my memories..

alisa: it would be so easy to rape us right now
elaine: no i've got my pepper spray!
alisa: please, you don't even know how to use that
elaine: i do!! *sprays*
alisa: OMG!!!
elaine: OMG!!! does it hurt?!
alisa: YES!!

alisa: he looks like he could be kinda old..
elaine: how old?
alisa: i dunno... maybe like 28ish?
elaine: shit. since when was that old?

sami: so this albert, he drove you home did he?
alisa: yes
sami: hmmm!!
michelle: sami! don't even play like that!! i will kill her if she goes out with him! girl you can do SO much better than albert!

michelle: what did you do last night?
alisa: well --
michelle: did you call him?
alisa: no i --
michelle: chicken shit
alisa: because --
michelle: chicken shit
alisa: michelle --
michelle: bok!! bok!!! bok!!
alisa: whatever

elaine: milpitas!!!!!

fransisco: you like this place?
alisa: yeh
francisco: its very chill
alisa: ...very

francisco: philosophizing
alisa: philosophizing! that's not a word!
francisco: yes it is!
alisa: its not!
francisco: what's the right word then?
alisa: philoso.... i don't know!
francisco: philosophizing then
(i was drunk, excuse the dumbassness. i now realise philosophizing is a word after all)

alisa: do you want a drink?
francisco: but we don't have any alcohol here
alisa: oh. is that what that means? i was just asking if you wanted like water or something.

alisa: then he took me to a gay bar --
dan: what?! what is a guy doing taking a chick to a gay bar?
alisa: no coz his friend was there --
dan: oh his "friend" was there was he? uh-huh. sweetie, he's gay.
alisa: he's not!
dan: did he make a move on you?
alisa: yes, see?
dan: then he's bi
alisa: no --
dan: he's bi

elaine: damn that boy
alisa: what?
elaine: damn him!
alisa: haha are you angry at him?
elaine: yes. i don't even know why. but i am.
alisa: me too don't worry

elaine: do your feet hurt?
alisa: yep. yours?
elaine: yep. *sigh*

alisa: its very... asian.. here
elaine: let's leave

elaine: c'mon san jose!! is this all you have to offer?!

elaine: where are all the decent men?!
alisa: you have a boyfriend
elaine: hey! all i'm gonna do is look! there's no harm in that! c'mon, its fun to go out and have something nice to look at! i'm not doing anything wrong!
alisa: ok you're drunk

random guy: hey mami *says something in spanish*
alisa: hey what's up
random guy: you got a man?
alisa: yep
random guy: bet he can't take care of you like i can
elaine: k let's go
random guy: yo holla at yo boy
alisa: i don't know what that means
elaine: bye

alisa: then this bitchy girl walks past and tells elaine that holding her hair back isn't going to help
michelle: oh HEYELL NAW! uh-uh!! you should've called me! i would've come down there and ripped that bitch another ass hole!

elaine: did you drink anything red last night?
alisa: no
elaine: did i?
alisa: no, why?
elaine: when i woke up this morning there was this huge red stain all the way down the side of my sweater
alisa: from what?
elaine: i have no idea!

elaine: my shoes are making this horrible squeaking sound! ... i think my heel broke last night

elaine: it makes sense doesn't it? to party on a friday? you have the whole weekend to recover!
alisa: but noooooo.. san josenians party on thursdays

eric: come on now!

elaine: come on he's gone! this is our chance!!!!!!
alisa: no! how are we gonna get out? he's downstairs!
elaine: we can hide in the restroom all night
alisa: hello?!

alisa: can you help us get rid of this guy?
bouncer: what do you want ME to do?
alisa: aren't you a bouncer?
bouncer: just tell him you're not interested
alisa: ok, thanks for all your help

*random guy says something to elaine in chinese*
elaine: sorry! not chinese!
random: oh! what are you then?
elaine: .... *sigh* okay, i'm chinese

elaine: what's your name again?
amil: amil
elaine: what?
amil: a breakfast, a lunch, amil

alisa: hey there's "cheesy". he's so cute.
elaine: but he's so sleezy and cheesy
alisa: i think that's why he's cute
elaine: hey there's "dummy"
alisa: he's not so cute anymore
elaine: yeh he just stands there with no personality. "808"'s cuter.
alisa: oh yeh he's VERY cute
elaine: .. straits has very interesting staff huh?

random guy: what's up with your girl? she got a boyfriend?
alisa: yeah sorry
random guy: pfft boyfriend, girlfriend, pfft!
alisa: just broke up with your girlfriend?
random guy: yeh 3 weeks ago
alisa: so now you're..
random guy: i'm not bitter! she was 23.. and i've just realised that all 23 year old girls are good for are having a good time with
alisa: i see
random guy: ... how old are you?
alisa: 23. see ya.

elaine: what did you tell him your name was?
alisa: alisa. what did you tell him we do here?
elaine: work
alisa: ok. i guess we're telling people the truth now.

elaine: i told him i was 33

elaine: i'm disappointed in you. i really am.

bitchy girl: next time sweetie, if you don't want to get slammed, don't stand behind the door
alisa: i was about to walk out
elaine (to me): oh she's that bitch right?

elaine: i don't think that was his girlfriend
alisa: me neither
elaine: yeh she didn't look like his type. she looked... dirty
alisa: yeh.. kinda like a prostitute
julie (walking past): i'm not even gonna ask what i just walked into. i don't wanna know.

elaine: what the hell were you doing?! talking to that african man?! you idiot!
alisa: i couldn't help it! i was trying to get away!

alisa: wanna move?
elaine: yeh
alisa: to where?
elaine: somewhere with a seat? i feel vulnerable

alisa: *gasp* who's that?
elaine: nah its just some old asian ladies
alisa: that'll be us in 50 years
elaine: omg still living at stevens creek?!
alisa: still going to santana row!?
elaine: still working for pocketmail!?! god help me! i'd rather die

alisa: *big sigh*
elaine: what's wrong? are you full, drunk, or pissed off?
alisa: all three

alisa: who was the guy we met who was here for a birthday?
elaine: amil
alisa: that was only last week?!

michelle: you guys really are poor right now huh?
alisa: why?
michelle: you know things are tight when you start buying mega jars of FOLGERS instead of going to starbucks!

alisa: that guy on the bus this morning.. he had to be a junkie
michelle: you're so jaded!!! a month ago you would've been all "that guy on the bus looked a bit disturbed.. i wonder what was wrong with him". now you're all "he's a junkie!!" poor alisa!

elaine: i don't wanna fight with him. i just want him to admit i'm right
dan: wow.. i thought asian women were a lot nicer to their men
alisa: REALLY?
dan: oh no, not you. i wasn't referring to you. you're filipino.

michelle (to baby sarah): oooh you're so cuuuute aren't you?? here, do you want auntie alisa to hold you?
alisa: no! she's too small. i might break her.
michelle: girl please. you filipino. you guys shoot these things out like its nobody's business

michelle: i don't know how i used to wear heels to work all day, THEN go out to the club in heels all night!
alisa: you were young then... :D

alisa: this bag is heavy. i don't know how i'm gonna get it up to the overhead compartment
michelle: oh they'll help you. those stewardesses help little kids out all the time :D

michelle: oh i just found another burnt part of my hair. where are my scissors?
alisa: stop!
julie: girl, forget it. let her hairdresser kill her.

alisa: omg. i booked my return flight for the wrong date
michelle: idiot
alisa: i feel like you, that time you booked the hotel on the wrong date
michelle: shut up

alisa: and then he asked me to "help him out"
michelle: oh hell no!!
elaine: exactly
michelle: kick his ass to the curb! hell no!

michelle: how are you feeling?
alisa: eh..
julie: are you sick?
alisa: a little
julie: go home
alisa: no i'm ok
julie: GO HOME. you are still contagious!
alisa: just stay away from me then
julie: oh i plan to
michelle: next thing you know julie's walking past alisa's desk spraying the lysol.. "no offence alisa!"

michelle: that fool stood there all night, using his free drink tickets ON HIMSELF and didn't buy my girl one drink!
paul: has is ever occured to you that a frugle guy might be the best kind of guy to go out with? coz he's cautious with his money.
michelle: ok but you can't be cheap on a first date! take a sista to chillis at least! i don't wanna go to no food court! that ain't attractive!

alisa: wow, these advil look like little mimi mnms!
michelle: please don't pop them like they're mnms
dan: haha then look who'll be calling who the junkie

elaine: i'm hungry. i feel like korean.
alisa: go get some
elaine: i only have $2
alisa: i've got $7 i'll lend you
elaine: what about you?
alisa: you can spot me next week
elaine: god we're so poor!

alisa: so yeh, he's cheating on his wife and he has a baby with another woman
dan: *pause* we have such deep conversations, you and i!

dan: you can't leave!
alisa: ok sure, i'll have a word with immigration
dan: tell em mr dan has spoken

alisa: he's not god. he's just a pervert with a burnt hand.
michelle: hahahahahha i HURD THAT!

alisa: i feel soooo siiiiiiiiick....
elaine: oh no!! you have to get better!!! ....... we're supposed to go clubbing tomorrow!

michelle (voicemail message): hey girl i think you tried to call the office but my ringer was still off from when you were breathing all heavy at me and stuff...

elaine: the more i look at her, the more i hate her. pffft, miss molly!

elaine: *sips her drink* shiiiiit that's strong. how's yours?
alisa: *sips her drink* shiiiiit
elaine: shiiiiiit
alisa (to waiter): can we get some more coke for our drinks please?

elaine: stupid "808"!!
alisa: argh. yeh i think i'm gonna stay away from all things hawaiian from now on.

elaine: i have so much chocolate!
alisa: well why don't you put that packet back?
elaine: NOOOOO!!! i'll go on a diet when i go back to san jose

elaine: there's probably no alcohol in here.. this "apple delight flavoured beer"
alisa: we probably should've bought the one that said "margarita". i doubt there's margarita-flavoured beer

elaine: what happened to that woman?!
alisa: who?
elaine: fajardo!

michelle: what's this club called?
alisa: impala
michelle: yeh that sounds ghetto enough. lets go!

michelle: go get our drinks. pull your shirt down, hold your money out. go.

michelle: are you thinking "thank god i'm not white" right now?

michelle: don't act like you didn't know who you were flirting with to get those smokes

elaine: so the story is, we only had 4 drinks last night?
michelle: yes, and we went to a bar, not a club. and we didn't smoke.
elaine: what would sami do if i told him we were standing on the corner smoking at 3am with all those boys?
michelle: elaine!!!! don't even play like that!

i left my heart in san francisco

my last weekend was fun. we had an adventurous little trip to frisco on saturday morning - unloading some of my luggage coz it felt too heavy, speeding to the caltrain station coz we were late, running up and down the ramps with my 30kg suitcases with 2 minutes left before the train departed, breaking nails trying to get them up the train stairs, and JUST getting seated when the train started pulling out from the platform.

an hour and a half later we were pulling into 4th&king. our cabbie gave us suggestions for where to go that night as he drove us to the hotel. we checked into the tiniest room ever then relocated to our proper junior suite. did some exploring of the city.. its one of the prettiest cities i've ever been to. i could live there.

that night we had pre-drinks at a bar before we headed to the club. haha our version of that back home is drinking champers in the car on the way to the club. then we joined the queue at ruby skyes only to get to the front at be told they were charging $40 cover coz some european dj was spinning that night. i don't think so. so we jumped in a cab and went to northbeach.. which seriously looks like kings cross. in a good way. went to a club called impala coz it was the first club we saw that sounded like it was playing rnb. we weren't gonna be picky coz it was already midnight and last call there is 1.45am. that club was fun... but i don't think we really fit in. ifyanowwhatimean.

after the club is a bit hazy.. i remember standing on the corner of broadway and columbus for a while, talking to a bunch of guys, the cutest one being mike from "sac"(ramento), bumming cigarettes from him and 2 bouncers, the first bouncer refusing to let me into his club coz "whatever club you were at before this, you should've come here first", charming my way into getting the second bouncer to let me in then seeing the first bouncer inside and gloating, standing on the street for more than an hour waiting in vain for an available taxi, eating mexican, finally getting a taxi and going home.

after maybe 4 hours of sleep we woke up and talked off the hangover for a few hours over a starbucks. walked around the city a bit before the girls went home. then i explored on my own. i walked down to powell and paid my last visit to UO (found my "everyone loves an asian girl" shirt!!), took a cable car up to fisherman's warfe, passing union square, lombard st and the victorian houses along the way, and made friends with an australian girl, sarah, along the way. the cable cars were fun! especially going up the steep steep streets. i was right at the back hanging out the door.. it was actually kinda dangerous looking back. i badly could've fallen out if i wasn't holding on tight enough. we checked out the warfe, ate clam chowder (SF's famous for their clam chowder apparently), and took pictures of the GG bridge and alcatraz. san fran is so picturesque! i took nearly 100 photos that afternoon. i had to wait for the cable car back downtown for nearly an hour and i was freezing by the time i got on since i was only wearing a thin tank. i got off at chinatown and bought myself a fleece jacket. it was ugly and totally touristy (it had "SF" and possibly a picture of the bridge on it) but i didn't care anymore. i was only in chinatown anyway and it was getting dark. walked around and bought some more souvenirs and some pot stickers, then went back to the hotel. i felt all naked and vulnerable without my pepper spray hehe.

spent the rest of the night packing and cleaning the room. amazing how messy a room can get in just one night when 3 girls are getting ready to party .. hehe hawaii memories. then at 4.30am i was up again and on my way to SFO :(

do you see a pattern forming?

last night i was thinking.

my first boyfriend lasted about 4 years.
my next boyfriend, only about 2.5.
then there was that friend (or cousin, whatever) of a friend that was around for only a few months before he lost interest.
then there was my canada/sanjose fling who seemed promising but then fell off the face of the planet after about a month.
and most recently (i shouldn't really count him but it helps my argument) there was my crush who was all smiles for 3 hours but then had a girlfriend the next time i saw him. (i think.)

at the rate i'm going, any future romances will last no longer than approximately 2 minutes. blink and its over. age or time or something is making me increasingly easier to lose interest in. interesting.

i'm sleepy.. but i have to pack. its my last night in san jose. boo. i feel sad.

my next blog will probably be from australia :) maybe.

pots and pans

just then i stood in my kitchen for a full 2 minutes, trying to decide if i should cook my instant ramen for dinner because i use my stove top as extra bench space and i didn't know if i was bothered enough to move all my crap off it. i'm gonna be beaming during my first home cooked meal next week. even if its just corned beef or something.

wow its my 2nd last night in san jose. i'm sad. really and truly. i was walking down santa clara past all the bums the other day, looking down the street at all the traffic.. and i got really sad. i'm gonna miss that ghetto. hehe. and today i started the office goodbyes coz some people don't work on fridays and others come in later than when i'll be leaving tomorrow. siiiiigh. ahh san jose. i've had so many complaints over the last few months, but really its been good to me. i feel at home. people ask ME for directions. today when i told someone i was going to australia next week they thought i was from here and just going on a holiday. i even know which bums live on which corners. i think i'm gonna miss it a lot.

the girls and i are heading to the city this weekend. we're catching the CalTrain up.. for some reason i'm excited about that. then we're staying till monday when i fly off. four more sleeps!

LOST

the friday i left for vegas was so busy. michelle was *cough*sick*cough* that day and elaine had left for LA the night before so i was taking care of the office alone. by the time i got to the airport that afternoon i wasn't using my brain anymore. i just stuck my headphones in and waited at my gate till other people started boarding then i followed them.

so we're about half an hour into the flight and i hear the pilot saying we're about to start our decent into burbank. at the same time i noticed a map on the napkin the stewardess had given me.. and apparently burbank is not the name of the airport in vegas like i'd been thinking since take off. no, its a different city altogether.. in a different state altogether.

i have never in my life felt so lost and panicked and most of all like a complete IDIOT. how the hell was i gonna get out of BURBANK? were the airport staff going to believe me? was i gonna look like some sort of terrorist? (i blogged about that time i had to get body searched all coz i handed the guard the wrong piece of paper right?) was i gonna have to pay for a whole new flight to vegas? and how did the southwest staff let me board the wrong plane in the first place?! (i wondered briefly if i could get away with buying a cheap ticket to LA but getting on a flight all the way to NY) i was so close to crying. i didn't know who i was supposed to call first - my kuya who would freak out, michelle who would laugh in my face, my parents who'd get angry at me and have their own panick attacks, or no one at all because the shame (oh the shaaaaaaaame) of having to explain it would be too much.

anyway we landed and FINALLY a mention of vegas: "if you're continuing on to las vegas please remain seated". oh.my.gosh southwest's dodgy boarding pass gave no indicaton that we were stopping anywhere! and only after looking closer at my itinerary did i notice "stops: 1". still, it was very unclear!!!

i know i've flown too much on this trip because i'm so not paying attention like i should be. catching a plane is as big a deal as catching a bus to me now. my flight back to sydney's gonna be a big one though =/ i still get scared of international flights. best believe i'll be saying the rosary during take off.

aahhhhhh adventures. at least now i can say i've been to burbank.

oh yeh, and i booked my return flight for today instead of yesterday by mistake. geeeeeeez my attention to detail no longer exists.

impulsive much?

16:20 kuya bobby calls to tell me he's in vegas
16:30 elaine reminds me how bored i'll be if i stay in SJ
16:35 i book my flight: SJC-LAS-SJC

i didn't even really enjoy vegas that much last time i went (two months ago.. =/), but i'll be damned if i spent yet ANOTHER boring lonely weekend in SJ.

how YOU doin?

sam. 23. half hawai'ian, half polynesian. host manager at straits. so cute it hurts.

alisa. 23. filipino. on day 2 of the flu, dressed in probably the most unflattering outfit ever worn on a night out.

he caught my eye as soon as we walked in. we then spent the whole night beaming every time he walked past. the boy is so cute, you can't help but blush at the very sight of him. which didn't matter until he started turning around and catching us grinning at the back of his head. it was the most embarrassing thing. i would've felt 15 years old if i wasn't sitting in the middle of a bar. and if it wasn't for him kinda smiling back. elaine (who won't give up her dream of finding the love of my life before i leave in a week and a half) waved him over and it turns out he's just as beautiful up close as he is from halfway across the bar. apparently when i went to get our next round, he was asking her all about me. eh.. i don't know if i believe her. that girl's so desperate for me to come back here, i wouldn't put it past her to lie to get me to take some action.

but i've turned into a pussy. i don't know what's happened to the socially adept part of me. all i could manage was a shy smile (which is dumb coz i was badly showing all 32 everytime he walked past) and an awkward "so do you usually work.. err.. on weekdays?" *cringe*. it was meant to be "what days do you usually work?" but it came out wrong. excuse me? since when do i get all tongue-tied like that?

whatever. i saw him talking to this dirty looking filo girl who was wearing something you shouldn't really call a top, but a piece of material. later, she nearly knocked me out as she walked into the restroom i was about to walk out of. then she tells me not to stand behind the door if i don't wanna get slammed. bitch. she looked like she had STDs. whatever floats your boat sam.

what's "half hawai'ian, half polynesian" anyway? that's like saying i'm half filipino, half asian. i went to the PCC, i know a little something about polynesia.

he's still unbelievably good looking though. his face made going out while i'm sick with the flu and all drugged up on codral robitussin and advil, worth it. SO worth it.

i aint got no time to play, you better hurry up

now i know why the make their drinks so strong here. so that everyone will get drunk and not notice how DULL san jose nightlife is. sigh. the last two weekends have made me lose a little love for san jose. the boredom i felt last weekend was my fault - i was too lazy to go out and try to have a good time. plus i was all by myself and sometimes that's no fun no matter how hard you try. so this past weekend elaine and i decided to party hard since it was the first and last weekend we were gonna have in SJ together.. but for some dumb reason, SJ people don't like clubbing on fridays, and saturday is when all the drunk jerks come out to play. by sunday we were both like "forget YOU san jose!". we're trying again next thursday. last attempt at having a good time here. if that's boring too i don't know what we'll do. i dunno... do i just have high expectations coz of hawai'i or something? has hawai'i ruined clubbing for me forever? i thought mainland clubbing was meant to be way better?!

we went to the flea market this weekend. so much fun! i'm used to markets being asian-run but hi, we're in california now. its all about the mexicans here. i loved it! i got a lot of cool stuff.. lots of junk i probably don't need but that's all part of the fun. we got lost so many times coz that place is so huge they've even got street names. (i'm so american now, i landmark everything by its cross streets.) and corn on the cob mexican style - my lawd, it was so good elaine and i missed the bus and waited half an hour for the next one, just so we could finish eating it. i hate to say it but i had more fun at the flea market than i did clubbing this weekend.

the girls and i are heading to SF the weekend that i leave for my send-off. i'd be excited but i don't want to get my hopes up again hehe. i'm gonna miss those girls. they've been my family while i've been here. and unless i get sent back here by some miracle, i'm probably never gonna see them again. that's one thing i didn't realise this trip would put me through.. having to say goodbye to people i've grown attached to, that i probably won't see for a very long time or ever again - my socal cousins, the hawai'i crew, and now my SJ family. sigh. but then it makes it all better when i think of what i'll be coming home to.. my REAL family :D

i've sworn off boys again. i hate 'em. they're just too much effort. and i HATE HATE HATE that when things go belly up, i always blame myself. (woah, i'm jessica [LB]). i find myself wondering what it was i could've done better and questioning if what i did was wrong. and that's messed up. i don't like thinking that way when i know deep down that if i could do it over, i wouldn't change a thing. it's weak and i hate it. its not me.. at least, its not who i want me to be.

i think the girl next door is using a vibrator. that, or her cell phone's on vibrate and she doesn't want to pick up the call. she's so annoying. if its not her constant whining or her toe nail clipping or her hairdrying, all of which she seems to do right by our adjoining door, its her frkn vibrator.

my office loves having these debates about marriage and commitment and long distance relationships and money in relationships and all that.. and during today's discussion paul goes "the real reason people don't get married is coz they're afraid of being burnt". when i told joel this, he told me i should date paul. i don't think i'm that bad, am i? anyway, i think i'm more scared of dying alone than of getting burnt again.

nel saw my cousin's ring yesterday. i'm jealous. i wanna be in sydney so i can see it too! everytime it hits me that SHE'S GETTING MARRIED (AAAAAAAAARH!!!) i just wanna hug someone! i can't wait to come home!

To:SC

the last time i started taking work home with me was when i was working for ed harry and they were treating me like i was expendable. then work didn't just take up my 8 hours, it went with me everywhere i went. its no different this time. and maybe i took things the wrong way, but hell so did you and that's how this whole mess got started in the first place.

you know i work my ass off. how else did i manage to rise to a management position from reception? and then you have the nerve to accuse me of taking things personally when you know the only person guilty of that is you. i don't apologise for recognising a problem and taking action. i was being a professional and that's just too bad if it seemed "a bit in your face" to you. it was for the benefit of the company and maybe because you take every critisism of the team as a personal attack on you, you couldn't distinguish the difference. instead, you convince yourself i must have some hidden agenda, some personal vedetta, and you go out of your way to correct me for what you see as my mistake. woman, go do your job and confront the person who started all this.

i saw you do this to the leads that came before me. all of them. but i never really believed it was this bad till it happened to me. and then you try to blame the friction on everyone but yourself. you call it "falling into the trap", letting michelle influence us, when the only reason everyone comes back from san jose with attitude is because of you. we're all adults with our own opinions - nothing michelle could say or do against you is as effective as what you say or do yourself. like i said, i didn't believe a thing till it happened to me. you warned me about michelle and i believed you. turns out you were wrong. previous leads warned me about you, and i didn't believe them. turns out they were right.

but you know what? i can live with that. i half expected that response from you. what i didn't expect was for you to tell me that you think its time i go ahead with my plans for finding a new job and that as much as you love having me work for you, you'd be more than happy to let me go. of course you sugarcoat that with "because i know that's what you want". man that bit doesn't even shit me, it just hurts. and here i was thinking i meant something to the company. makes me wonder what the hell you were thinking, investing time and money into me coming here.

going to the chapel...

oh my gosh! filippo proposed to my cousin on saturday!!!!! MY MILLIE'S GETTING MARRIED!!! i'm so so so happy for her! i was on the verge of crying when she told me. we all knew it was coming.. they've been talking about it for ages. but still omg!!

the first time jade told us she kissed a boy, and the first time bradley went clubbing.. millie and i laughed and joked about our babies growing up. but the two of us are only 9 months apart so there was never any sense of awe at seeing each other progress through life.. we just did it, and gossiped about it along the way.

but THIS. this is something totally different! my girl is getting MARRIED! and i am in total awe! her fairy tale came true. her first real boyfriend, her first love, the boy our lola loves so much.. asked her parents' permission 3 weeks ago and then asked her to marry him on saturday. i can't even imagine how happy she must be!

i still remember when she first told me about him. how we were on 3-way with jade, and how the 3 of us giggled all night till about 2am. i remember how one easter or christmas or birthday or something, lola came up to us and put her arms around the boyfriends and called them her grandsons. and on her 21st, that slide show he made for her that made the whole family cry. and now, come november 11 2006... they'll be married!

our family needed this. good timing filippo. and for the millionth time over these past few weeks, i wish i was in sydney so i could be there with them.

one thing though... i wonder who her bridesmaids will be. two years ago i could've told you for sure - jade, olivia and that other little asian chick. now.. i'm not so sure who millie's closest girlfriends are.

untitled

i am so hungry. but i only have $15 in my wallet which has to stretch till tuesday when i get my expense check coz i just found out i'm paying a $4 overseas withdrawal fee each time i withdraw money so now i never want to to withdraw money here again. i'm starving. all i've eaten today is a coffee, muffin and instant noodles.

whatever, i deserve it. i'm getting all elephant sized thanks too poor away-from-home eating habits.

i had fun today. walked to santana row, bought a book at borders, read it while sipping on my latte and nibbling at my muffin outside starbucks on the lawn, tanned my left arm as i was sitting in the sun... then i went to urban outfitters. last time i went i fell in love with every single item in there, and never let myself back in till today. and with good reason. i spent nearly $100! i loooooooooove that store. i want to live there.

i'm so hungry.

don't even trip

i'm not sure how i feel about last night's drinksWithFriends-turned-date yet. probably coz i'm not letting myself form an opinion.

he gives me butterflies. but i'm so not cut out for this stuff anymore. half of me just wants to stay home tuned into LB on mtv coz i'd rather watch dramas unfold in other people's lives than my own sometimes. save myself the hassle of actually going through it myself.

speaking of which.. i've watched the same S2 episodes as everyone else so why am i the only person who doesn't hate kristen? i think its coz i see myself in her. we're ALL like her i reckon.. we have the same kind of bitchy converations with our friends, we have the same kind of baggage with one ex boyfriend or another (well i know i do)... and get enough alcohol in me and i'm just as a big a flirt as she is. people would probably hate me too if i was on reality tv. sure she's a bitch to stephen but i think she has her reasons.. and i say good on her coz we're not all as immune to ex boyfriendly charms as she is.

so its a long weekend here and i have no plans =/ elaine's down in LA with her man and michelle's up in the hills with her dad. i'm already bored and my weekend hasn't even officially begun yet.

ps. they're not contacts. i asked. about 3 times. he is officially the only latino boy i know with green eyes.


EDIT: 7:55PM
he just called to say hi :D ... maybe i CAN be bothered after all. maybe.

my weekend.. apparently..

You have more friends and allies than you realise. Things are not as bad as you had half begun to imagine. That's nice to know, but it is not, on its own, enough to put the spring right back into your step. You don't just want the rain to ease off, you want to see some sunshine. That too is coming. You will, this weekend, find yourself being given the keys to several doors; the means by which to solve a number of problems which have lately been making life stressful - though you will, of course, need to pick up those keys and use them.

I need to get over cainer.

whatnot

Once the rocket takes off with you sitting in the capsule, there's no going back. No matter how much you may want to. No matter how anxious you may feel about an anomaly in your last-minute check of the trajectory calculations. You are still better off going forward and trying to change course on the move than attempting some gravity-defying turnabout. You are tempted, now, to abort a mission. That will prove very expensive and exhausting, if it proves possible at all. Carry on. But steer as carefully as you can.

all week my workmates have been saying the same to me. just not so eloquently. phrases like "chicken shit" were used repeatedly until i made the call this afternoon.. only to get his voicemail and start the game of phone tag that went on till i got home.

i know joel thinks i'm lame. and elaine thinks that i worry too much and am paranoid too much and think too much (i can't help it - refer last post). and i know i seem like a little girl to michelle. and okay, i'll admit they were right - calling him was not a big deal in the end. but they don't know what its like to be perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop like i do. its not that i'll be devastated when it happens.. i'd just rather beat it to the punch to avoid the embarrassment.

so... when he suggested i come out to dinner with him and his friends, even though it didn't happen, it was enough that he suggested it. when he told me to call him so we could hang out, even it that never happens, it's enough that he wanted me to call him. and when he drunkenly asked if i liked him and i jokingly told him of course, even if nothing eventuates from that, the way we were smiling afterwards will be enough. i think its called quitting while you're ahead.

its those eyes dammit. i wonder if they're contacts.